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Monkey-Plex
We're going to the movies ... at the Monkey-Plex! Carrying over at least one theme from the last page, here's a look at current and past movie releases, rated on a scale of one to five monkeys. Five monkeys, of course, is best!
FILM: The Sweetest Thing
2 monkeys
This movie brings to mind an interesting question: Just because you CAN get Cameron Diaz to star in a movie that’s at least as gross as American Pie, but the twist being the stars of this movie are all young women, SHOULD you? I don’t know why you would, but if you’re looking for a movie where Cameron gets hit in the eye with a very … uh … sticky male body fluid, where Selma Blair must deal with a very embarrassing stain caused by that same fluid, and where Christina Applegate apparently escapes fluid-free, well, here it is. Gross? Yes. Funny? Sometimes. Does Cameron shake her booty a little too often? Absolutely. At least the movie has some fun with it: Applegate gets the best line, asking Diaz, “Do we have time for a movie montage?” Of course they do, otherwise this film wouldn’t exist. The fact that the resulting montage isn’t quite over-the-top enough to justify Applegate’s character calling attention to it is just one of the many mild disappointments to be found here. On there other hand, there is an awful lot of sperm …
FILM: Teddy Bears' Picnic
1 monkey
Here's a little art house movie currently on the circuit. And when you see that this one is written and directed by Harry Shearer (The Simpsons, This Is Spinal Tap, and many other quite funny things), you might think you should check this film out.

For the love of God, don't.

I'm sorry to say that Harry has misfired here, terribly so. The film aims to deflate a group of rich, white businessmen, who gather for a wilderness retreat every year and act like idiots. And although the cast is first rate (Michael McKean, Fred Willard, and other experienced docu-spoofers), the whole thing is so poorly presented that my dear friend Amy actually fell asleep during the film. "When I woke up, Jim Lampley was on the screen. Did I miss anything?" No, Amy, you didn't.

It's not that rich white fat cats don't deserve skewering; take a look at the success of Michael Moore's Stupid White Men. It's just that this film is mélange of bad ideas poorly executed, and coming from someone who I consider to be a true comedy genius, a huge disappointment.

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