So was the film any good?

Now that, to me, is a much more interesting question. There certainly is a lot that “works” here, from supporting characters to locations, and the overall look of the film is awesome. There is an awful lot of jeopardy, though, and eventually I was a bit wrung out by Nemo’s (and Marlin’s) trials and tribulations.

I think the film may have suffered from having too many characters. There are enough good characters here for two or three movies (all movies should have this problem!), but I think we could have lost a few and not suffered at all.

In the end, I was won over by both the incredible visuals, and some sneaky clever writing. It seemed like some of the best lines in the film were barely audible in my theatre, due to people laughing at prior jokes. Other times, it seemed like I was the only one who cracked up at certain bits and gags, so there certainly is plenty in there for the more adult, more discerning animation fan.

Oh, and good work, Ellen!

A final note: As always with Pixar films, it should be noted that those who leave early (that is, before the end of the credits) will not be getting the full value for their entertainment dollar.

Somewhere in here is a clever and fresh take on the buddy cop comedy, but sadly, it’s not trying that hard to get out. This film is stuck in the “not funny enough to be a comedy, not action-filled enough to be an action flick” black hole. Harrison Ford has some nice moments, but I continue to be amazed at the career “success” of droopy-eyed, low energy Josh Hartnett.

I can’t recommend seeing this film in the theater, or even renting it; if it’s eventually on HBO or Showtime, and you have absolutely nothing better to do, then check it out. Or, if you’re trying to see all movies featuring action scenes in the L.A. subway system, well then, definitely check this out. (Metro Red Line fans will also want to check out The Italian Job and S.W.A.T. to complete the Summer Subway Trifecta.)

I realize the practicality of capturing these images precluded filming this movie in the IMAX format, but that’s perhaps the best way to describe this film – the greatest non-IMAX IMAX film ever. Can’t wait for the DVD to see how it was done.

As Keanu would say … whoa.

In The Matrix, I loved that we traveled along with Neo as he slowly came to discover that his entire world was a lie.

With that lie exposed (Or is it? More later…), The Matrix Reloaded was, to my way of thinking, a lot less imaginative. I mean, sure, the effects were spectacular, but there was never a moment that I thought anything other than, “hey, that’s a cool effect.” And that’s not the way it’s supposed to be.

The joy of discovery, of finding a new world that’s not like our own, is complete absent here. That joy void is filled with darkness and despair. I certainly don’t require this from all of my movies, but this is again (like Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones) a movie in which nobody is having any fun at all – and that included me. I didn’t enjoy my visit to the Matrix this time, and I really don’t care what happens in the third chapter.

More about the exposed lie: In the Matrix, Neo has super-powers of a sort. In fact, he has the same sort of powers he exhibits at the end of the film in a place that is very definitely not supposed to be inside the Matrix. Or is it? Hmm … guess I may have to check out The Matrix: Revolutions after all. Curse you, Wachowski Brothers!

All in all, I have no major complaints, but if you’re thinking that doesn’t exactly sound like a ringing endorsement, you’re thinking right along with me.

That said, Spellbound is pretty damn cool. Dispensing with the faux Bee theatrics I loathe, this documentary focuses in on the kids (and families) who choose to spell for fun. The advent of spell-check has made spelling a skill that many kids today seem to regard as not at all necessary. Still, this film delights in and celebrates the academic and lexicographic achievement of eight teens who have veered from the traditional teen path of boy band and Hilary Duff worship.

More interesting than the contestants, though, are the families; a fascinating cross-section of America is represented here, from immigrant success stories to isolationist Southern stereotypes. You’ll have to look hard to find this film, but it’s worth it, I promise.

In fact, it’s not all that bad, although the pacing is certain erratic, and I can’t imagine what the Disney powers-that-be were thinking when they approved the idea of a character who speaks "flatula." Moronic and out of place, it’s a one-joke premise that overstays its welcome. The end of the movie, say, the last third, really does move, and is quite exciting. Emma Thompson does some nice voice work as a sprightly feline starship captain, but Martin Short, apparently playing a robotic distillation of every previous Martin Short character, comes up, uh, short. Call this one an admirable attempt with some basic flaws in premise that kept it from being truly good.

As this "attack of the clone" movie limps along at the box office like a wounded animal, it should be clear that a drastic change in the direction for the movie franchise is needed. Star Trek Nemesis is neither aimed at a general audience, nor at Trek’s core audience, instead falling in some hellish middle-ground where bad pictures go to die.

I think my disappointment with the Next Generation movie franchise is heightened by my belief that we still haven’t really seen a movie about the characters from the TV show. Something happened to Patrick Stewart between the end of the TV run and the start of the movies, and instead of the thoughtful and elegant Captain Jean-Luc Picard, we’ve been treated to movies starring Johnny Picard, action hero. But, dammit, Picard isn’t an action hero! That’s Riker’s role, or at least, it was for seven years on TV.

I realize the decision to put Picard at the center of all the big action storylines in the films is driven by amount of money paid to Patrick to star in them, but it just continually works against the premise of the series. The cool, intellectual Picard of the series has become a grinning, laughing off-road driving maniac, who apparently isn’t smart enough to order extra security (Worf and Data will do) when investigating a wildly out-of-place sensor reading on a potentially hostile planet. Is that “nitpicky,” or just an example of how the actions these characters are taking in the movies don’t jibe with anything we’ve seen before?

Take, for example, Johnny Picard, action hero, FREEZING UP AT A CRUCIAL MOMENT at the film’s ridiculous climax. (And, folks, we’re going to be talking about plot points here, so if you don’t want to know what happens, turn back now until you’ve seen the film.) Picard is so stunned by Shinzon’s attack and final words that he sits there, immobile, as the destruction of his ship is being counted down by the computer. That’s okay, because Data shows up to save Picard’s ass. But does Data use the knowledge he specifically referred to earlier in the film to stop the doomsday weapon from firing? I mean, there had to be a point to that whole “Data learning to read Reman computer controls” thing we saw earlier? Here’s where it pays off, right? Data can now read the Reman computer controls, and simply power down the big doomsday weapon, right? Uh, yeah, or apparently, Data can shoot it with a phaser, blowing himself and the Reman ship to kingdom come. I kinda’ thought suicide was against Data’s programming, but hey, after appearing in this movie, I can understand why he’d want to check out permanently.

Ah yes, the Reman ship. Funny, isn’t it, how the Remans, who apparently are looked over by Romulan guards, managed to build a ship that is more powerful than anything in the Romulan fleet, much less the Federation fleet? You’d think the Romulans would have noticed. (Or, at the very least, it would have put an end to the guards.) Then again, the relationship between Romulus and Remus (Sister planets? But one very much in control of the other, I thought … who knows?) was pretty poorly defined.

(By the way, is there really a Starfleet? Dear God, let’s see them then, as opposed to just seeing “dots” on a map of the quadrant. We don’t even get to see Riker’s new ship at the end of this film, one of the many times I felt cheated by Nemesis. More on that later.)

The modern Star Trek movies are about choices. Some choices, I agree with, and some choices, I could do without. (“Rain Data,” or B-4, is a particularly noxious choice.) I’d love to see Riker do something. I’d love to see Geordi do something, anything, other than read display panels. I’d love to see Crusher do something … especially with Picard. I mean, Troi and Riker get married, and we get nothing between Picard and his longtime forbidden love? If you want to change the characters in the movies, make logical, progressive changes that stem from what we’ve seen before. Worf, in particular, is played almost entirely for comic relief. Gee, I remember when the Klingons were a proud warrior race. Thinking back to the series, I remember Worf’s hatred of the Romulans, due to how they treated his family (completely ignored here, of course). I remember seeing Troi kick ass during an undercover mission ON BOARD A ROMULAN SHIP, when she actually passed as a Romulan commander (completely ignored here, of course). Missed opportunities abound.

I guess I just don’t understand why certain things that would make the movie make more sense to fans of the show get left out. I mean, I know how Rick Berman and company are desperate to make modern Star Trek appeal to the widest audience possible (hence, 7 of 9 and T’Pol, catsuit-wearing hotties designed to lure the "Maxim" crowd to the Trek universe), but c’mon man, throw us a bone! For example, a major, major storyline in the TV series involved Data’s evil twin robot brother, Lore. Granted, as plotlines go, “Evil Twin” isn’t the most creative, but still, Lore, who looked exactly like Data, except for that whole evil thing, was a major villain presence in the TV series. So in the movie, the Enterprise goes to investigate the discovery of an android in six pieces who, when reassembled, looks exactly like Data. Does anyone say, “Gee, remember the last time we ran in to one of Data’s ‘brothers,’ and we reactivated him, and he turned out to be horrifically evil, and allied with the Borg, and caused the death of a bunch of crew members?”

Nope. Not a word about Lore, lest we offend or challenge that vaunted “popular” audience. So when B-4 turns evil, and acts against the Enterprise, eventually leading to the death of a bunch of crew members, the only people who are surprised are the characters on screen. They shouldn’t be, and I certainly wasn’t.

As mentioned before, there were plenty of other times I felt cheated by this film. Let’s start with the end and work our way backwards. The end shot of the film, the big capper to the whole adventure is … um … the Enterprise up on blocks, in a spacedock, getting fixed. Well, that’s okay, because the shot before that showed … um … I don’t know, Johnny Picard, action hero, in his messy office, or something. (Why, in the movies, is Picard’s desk always cluttered with about a billion of those colored, translucent clipboard things???) How about a “going away” shot of Riker and his new ship? How about a “going away” shot of the Next Generation crew, at stations on the bridge? Let’s see our crew for the last time before they sail off in to the sunset, huh? Not the damn ship getting repaired.

Then there are the moments that are just too dumb to be believed. For example, Picard, Worf and Data have to go down to Mystery Planet to pick up the pieces of a positronic android. And they have to take this cool shuttlecraft and off-road ATV thing, not because it makes sense to do so – no, what makes sense is for Picard to say, “Geordi, erect a level five force field around cargo bay two, and have the pieces transported there” – but so we can have a poorly staged, false-jeopardy “chase” scene on the planet, where three of Starfleet’s most decorated officers, in violation of the prime directive, are unable to avoid detection by a pre-warp civilization. Gee, you think it has something to do with Picard setting down the shuttle two kilometers away from the signal they’re tracking? I mean, that’s not exactly right next to it. Not only do they not scan for approaching life forms (and remember, these scanners detected the positronic Data-like parts buried in sand from several light years away), but they let the natives get so close as to be able to shoot at Picard and company. Ridiculous and insulting. I mean, if you’re not going to play by the very simple rules established in 35+ years and 600+ episodes of Star Trek, then why should I care about what happens?

Oh, and Riker finally does have a big fight scene, but it's not with the guy who mind-raped his fiancé. It’s with the guy who helped, so I guess that’s close enough for vengeance. But the fight all takes place in a part of the Enterprise that is so unbelievable, I actually thought that he and the guy he was fighting had stepped in to an alternate universe. Actually, he may have stepped in to the Star Wars universe. The bad guy made his getaway a la Han, Luke, Leia and Chewie in A New Hope, cutting out a floor panel and dropping in to the tunnels below. And for “the galaxy’s most feared fighting force,” the Reman soldiers definitely trained at the “Storm Trooper Target Shooting Academy.” I think I counted one hit among the hundreds of shots they fired.

People who hate Riker (and that apparently includes the film’s writers) have a lot to like about the film, though. Who among us can forget Picard cutting off Riker’s balls in front of the rest of the crew with a cheery “You have the bridge, Mr. Troi?” Does that sound at all like Picard? Why not just have Picard call Riker p-whipped and get it over with?

I saw Brent Spiner, the beloved Data and co-writer of the film, on a behind-the-scenes special, saying, “To me, Star Trek has always been about action-adventure.” Um, really? Then where the hell were you during the original series, or The Next Generation, or Deep Space Nine? If anything, Star Trek has been about THOUGHTFUL action-adventure, and even that’s a stretch. Star Trek, at its best, is about what it means to be human. This movie, despite its cloning and brotherhood storyline, is not.

The movie’s other writer, John Logan, claims to be a fan of Trek. That’s great, John. But it didn’t show on screen. In short, I hope we’ve seen the last Next Generation movie. I don’t think I could stand seeing these characters put through another film like this. Which is too bad, because they used to be the stars of a pretty kick-ass TV show.

Look, I like Reese, I really do, but man, she played a shrill harpy in this film. It’s hard to root for her when she’s such an unpleasant character, thus defeating the purpose of all that cuteness engineering. My advice: Catch this one on TV sometime, where it belongs, and hope Reese strikes platinum again with Legally Blond 2.

Speaking of five, this movie is why there’s a five-monkey rating. So skedaddle! Go see it now!

One of the big draws of Kingdom was going to be original songs and music from Sting. And as part of Sting’s deal, his wife, Trudie Styler, was given access to create a “making of” documentary. Only one problem: Halfway through the process, Disney basically stopped making Kingdom and turned it in to New Groove, junking most of Sting’s work in the process.

Thankfully, Trudie's access to the filmmakers continued. So this film, then, became a fascinating look at the creation myth of The Emperor's New Groove. Anyone who has ever wondered about the making of an animated film, especially a Disney animated film (think sausage, only slightly messier), would do well to seek out The Sweatbox. Highly recommended.

Mike, remember the first movie? I do. I remember it being funny without it being forced. I remember it being, dare I say, even a bit melancholy at times, as we actually sympathized with Austin, a man out of his time. We could actually believe that he’d try to shag Ms. Kensington, and we could see her slowly being won over by Austin's actual charms. There was real emotion in that first film. I remember that it had an actual story, and yet, was still actually funny.

Then came The Spy Who Shagged Me. The less said about this film, the better. But I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that under any objective criteria, TSWSM was a lot less smart than IMOM. (Yep, we’re going with acronyms here, people, deal with it.) Fat Bastard? Not funny, per se, but simply gross and grotesque, like much of the movie.

That unfortunate trend continues in Goldmember. Call me crazy, but it’s not enough that the title character simply eats chunks of his flaked-off skin. I want to know why. I want to know what that’s supposed to mean other than, “eeeeuuuu.” This film plays a series of rough draft sketches. The jokes that aren’t direct copies of jokes from earlier films fall flat. The jokes that are direct copies of jokes from earlier films are … um … direct copies, and, as such, unforgivably uncreative. And some bits just don’t make any sense at all. (I still have no idea what the whole “Scotty do” thing was about.)

Also, I have to say I strongly disagree with your choice about the past connection between Austin and Dr. Evil. It just doesn’t add anything to the film, and only serves to further undermine the characters. Another note: Dr. Evil has always worked best for me as a genius surrounded by idiots. So what’s the frickin’ deal with his prison gangsta rap bit? That’s cute, for about ten seconds. The remaining three minutes seem interminable.

So, for the inevitable AP4, let’s lose the time travel elements. Let’s return the characters to their core strengths. Let’s try to have fun within a logical structure and framework. To use a bad analogy, it’s the difference between building a house of straw and a house of bricks. IMOM was a brick house. But the last two films have been vapors, thin excuses for poorly conceived jokes and gags that are now neither funny nor fresh.

Other than that …

I've never understood Hollywood's inability to grasp what I consider to be a very basic and simple tenet of entertainment: Don't use too much salt. I mean, salt is good, we all like salt … but nobody orders "salt soup." Nobody wants Lot's wife. And Frank, the talking dog that was the "salt" of the original Men In Black, adding just the right amount of flavor, is the Lot's wife of this movie; a pillar of salt that overwhelms the taste of everything else. Just because "a little bit of talking dog" was great in the first movie, we don't need "talking dog as the frickin' third lead character" of this movie.

Tom Cruise is tolerable, and if you overlook several hideous logical flaws, you might actually enjoy it. Sadly, the gross stupidity on the part of some characters turned me off. Interesting, but flawed.

Let’s start with the good: Loved Lilo. Loved Lilo’s world. Loved Stitch. Loved Stitch’s world. Loved the relationship between Lilo and her older guardian sister. Loved the relationship between Lilo and Stitch. Loved the Elvis stuff. Loved the humor. Loved the way the movie looks, feels, moves, and sounds. Loved the first 3/4 of the film.

Hated the ending.

Hated the ending with a passion.

See, this film violates one of the cardinal rules in my book; namely, you have to be true to the world you’ve set up. And you have to be honest with your audience. If you want an audience to experience REAL emotion and have a REAL reaction to the scenes you’re presenting on screen (which I did, up to a point), DON’T all of a sudden have your characters thrust in to a supremely UNREAL situation at the very end! That situation was not only contrary to the entire tone of the film to that point, but undermined a great and emotional set up.

See, the problem I had was this: Lilo and Stitch’s worlds shouldn’t collide as they do in the film’s climax. Lilo’s big sister, in the span of about 15 minutes of “real time,” discovers that not only is Stitch an alien, but aliens are real, and actual aliens have kidnapped Lilo, and are in the process of taking her off of Earth in a capsule attached to the back of a spaceship. Other than a concern for her sister, she has no real reaction to any of this! Now, up until this point, everything in Lilo’s “world” has been real, sometimes breathtakingly so. Real places, real characters, real emotions. But there’s no real reaction to the whole “aliens are real and have kidnapped my sister” thing! One way or the other, please! It’s fine if Lilo’s Hawai’i is obviously a “cartoon” Hawai’i, but it hasn’t been shown that way. I mean, they even have the shaved ice right! So ignoring the arrival of aliens on Earth (and the very forced follow-up between the Galactic President and the CIA guy-turned-social worker) stuck out like a sore thumb.

In my version, the alien world and the human world would have only ONE point of cross-over: Lilo finds out Stitch is an alien. But other than that, nothing else. Maybe she tries to tell her big sister Nani, but of course, Nani isn't going to believe her ... adding another fun point of conflict.

Also, in my version, Lilo must solve Stitch’s problem, taking heroic action to convince Stitch’s would-be captors to let him live out his life on Earth. Stitch must do the same, growing and taking a similarly heroic action to convince social worker guy to leave Lilo’s family alone. Oh, and both those things would happen in a big action scene at the end which would replace the false-jeopardy climax of the film. (I mean, don’t START to take Lilo off in to space, to presumably face the galactic council, if she’s never actually going to get there!)

Other than that …

In case you're wondering, this was a "Three Monkey" movie, until Stitch ate the rating...

If you’ve read any of his stuff, you know Tony’s a funny guy. He’s a funny TV host too. And his relationship with Wilbon has led to some of the best bickering this side of the late Siskel and Ebert.

Some of the recurring gags are a little corny, but if you like your sports news with an opinion, and one often presented in a very funny way, check this show out.

On the other hand, in a “Duel” mode game the other night, a player accused me of cheating, and changed his own screen name to reflect his accusation. How great is that? (Even if I had any idea how to “cheat” at a videogame like this, I wouldn’t. I mean, I always pick the “light side” of The Force for my powers, instead of the more fun “dark side.” Remember Yoda’s words to Luke – the dark side is NOT more powerful. Admittedly, in this game, it is pretty fun to use a Vader-style Force “choke” on an opponent. Not that I would know ... )

All in all, good FPS fun here. I mean, you get to run around with a light saber, using The Force, and battling like a Jedi. What more do you want?

Oh, information on where to buy it? Try my favorite CD-ROM store, Interact! Dave Sparks is the proprietor, and a good man. Tell him you read about it here.

It's been said by many that as good as this film is, the original 1997 Norweigian version featuring Stellan Skarsgård is even better. Remind me in six months to go check that one out. In the meantime, behold the glory of Pacino! Worship the Pacino!!

My biggest problems with the new films are these:

First, where’s Han Solo? And by that, I mean, where’s the pirate, the swashbuckler, the person with the sense of FUN and ADVENTURE that helped make the original Star Wars films such classics? In Episode I and Episode II, nobody in the film is having fun, and that includes me. (Obi-Wan shows flashes of Solo-esque spirit, but those are quickly doused by horrible scripting.)

Second, I’m sure political stories are near and dear to George Lucas’s heart. But I don’t know that complex political stories necessarily make the best Star Wars stories. Remember when Star Wars was about a farm boy discovering he really was a powerful knight, who then had to save a princess and blow up the bad guys? I do ... and I defy you to describe the current films in this manner.

Third, I just don’t believe that Padmé would get anywhere near Anakin as he’s been portrayed in the films. What (ostensibly) smart, capable Senator would want anything to do with a whiny, bratty eight-year-old who’s now a whiny, pouty, throwing-things-when-angry eighteen-year-old? I mean, there’s got to be a better foundation for me to believe in this love story. And she ends up marrying him? Come on …

Yoda kicks ass, though, and that’s got to count for something. Hence a generous three monkey rating. My final suggestion for George Lucas: You’ve just hired Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption) to write Indiana Jones IV, so ask about getting a 2-for-1 deal to have him help you write the script for Episode III.

For the love of God, don't.

I'm sorry to say that Harry has misfired here, terribly so. The film aims to deflate a group of rich, white businessmen, who gather for a wilderness retreat every year and act like idiots. And although the cast is first rate (Michael McKean, Fred Willard, and other experienced docu-spoofers), the whole thing is so poorly presented that my dear friend Amy actually fell asleep during the film. "When I woke up, Jim Lampley was on the screen. Did I miss anything?" No, Amy, you didn't.

It's not that rich white fat cats don't deserve skewering; take a look at the success of Michael Moore's Stupid White Men. It's just that this film is mélange of bad ideas poorly executed, and coming from someone who I consider to be a true comedy genius, a huge disappointment.

So, seriously, check this one out before it's gone for good.

And support diversity of thought and opinion on television! Drop Jeff Zucker a line at NBC and let him know that you think this show deserves a place somewhere on NBC's schedule. It's probably relatively cheap to produce (a couple of writers, and Colin sitting around on a doorstep with other riffing comedians is a bunch cheaper than the 80 gazillion dollars the Peacock is paying for Friends) and would be perfect summer counter-programming. Let's have an all-original, all-Quinn summer season on NBC!

Send those cards and letters to:

Jeff Zucker
President, NBC Entertainment Division
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

and:

Jeff Zucker
President, NBC Entertainment Division
3000 W. Alameda Ave.
Burbank, CA 91523

Sadly, the dispute was resolved, and we got to see Carson take over the timeslot once held proudly by Bob Costas. The first show's interview with Alicia Keys wasn't a total disaster. For example, before the broadcast, I wasn't entirely sure that Carson could read. He proved me wrong, by relying extensively on his blue card notes throughout the evening.

I also have to question Carson's choice of opening comedy bit. I mean, the 1:37am audience is a whole lot different than his TRL audience, right? So you'd think something other than a non-funny bit about how great Carson is would have been called for. That's what you would have thought. You'd have been wrong, of course, as Carson chose to introduce himself to a new audience by reminding us of just how great he actually is. There's was not an ounce of irony, a smidgen of smartness, or a compelling reason for me to keep watching, and the show was only :45 seconds old.

Fortunately, Alicia Keys did her thing. Apparently, her thing also included promoting her upcoming concerts in New York City, which she did quite shamelessly. But what I enjoyed about this part of the show was the total absence of Carson. Alicia plays a song, gets up, promotes her concerts, and the show is over. No Carson wrap-up. No Carson coming over to shake her hand. No mention of Mr. Daly at all, just Alicia wrapping up, and good night, fade out, show's over!

There was a time when the name "Carson" was the gold standard of NBC late night programming.

There was a time when the 1:37am time slot was where you could find one of the most interesting and compelling interview shows ever.

I can confirm that things are much, much different now.

Good luck, Carson!

This is a fantastic film, fun and lively, a kaleidoscope of ideas and colors and music and, of course, truth, beauty, freedom and love. Ewan McGregor is fantastic, surpassed only by Nicole Kidman, who just tears this movie up. The Baz Luhrmann style (Romeo + Juliet, Strictly Ballroom) reaches new heights here, and I can’t wait to see what he brings us next.

As far as DVD value goes, this one has a huge assortment of extra features that I only started to explore. But people who want extras won’t be disappointed. I especially liked the “Follow the Green Fairy” feature, a way to freshen up a second or third viewing of the film, by clicking “enter” every time a huge green fairy appears on the screen. This “zaps” you out of the film, and in to a short behind-the-scenes featurette showing you all stages of production relating to the scene you’re watching.

All in all, a great film, presented on a great DVD. Fun viewing for the whole family! (At least, for my whole family, who we tested it on this Christmas.)

Such is the curse of this trilogy, but folks, this is one hell of a “Part One.” I cannot wait until next December. So what did they get right? Tough for me to say; I’ve never read the LOTR Trilogy (nor “The Hobbit,” for that matter) which is unusual, seeing as I’m such a big sci-fi/fantasy dweeb. But from this Tolkien novice’s perspective, it’s all here. There was maybe one too many “Run, Frodo, run!” scenes – you’d think, after about the fifth time, something might actually catch up with him.

But the acting is great, the effects are spectacular, and the film has a very distinctive “epic” quality that was sadly missing from, oh, say, Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace, or Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Also, director Peter Jackson’s Middle Earth looks real in a way George Lucas’s modern Star Wars long-ago worlds (based on a movie and three teaser trailers for Episode II) do not. The amount of location shooting, and the locations themselves, provide a very needed and very welcome grounding. This may be the movie that disproves the Lucas Sci-Fi/Fantasy film theory that these films are just people saying words in front of pretty backgrounds that you can add later through CGI. Certainly, the effects ball is back in ILM’s court. (I've already given up on Lucas's characters and writing.)

The only thing keeping this from being a five-monkey masterpiece is the unfortunate ending, or lack thereof, necessitated by the structure of this project. I was hoping for a little more resolution – but I’ll just have to wait, for 2002 and 2003. Can I buy advance tickets now?

What makes it special? This is no simple dramatic reading. Stewart commands the stage with great vigor, acting out more than 40 different parts, and using a few simples props (a table, a chair, a desk) to convey a wide variety of locations. You'll see the world of A Christmas Carol come to life before your eyes, as Stewart masterfully draws you in to the story of Ebeneezer Scrooge like never before.

Too often, modern versions seem to rely on the admittedly compelling tale of Scrooge's quest for personal redemption, but Stewart brings much needed depth to the original story's strong statement against poverty.

If you haven't seen it, you're missing out. If you have seen it, all other Christmas Carols suddenly seem a bit lacking. It's that good ... and powerful.

Not that it's an entirely humorless affair. Far from it! Stewart's eyes, as the Narrator, twinkle when they need to, and there are several moment that draw extended laughs from the audience, including a sequence that in the three times I've seen the show has never failed to produce a sustained ovation.

The show is headed for a sold-out run on Broadway this holiday season (2001), but make a note to check every year around November. Cruise a Star Trek news website, and see if there's chatter about whether or not Patrick is doing the show this year. He usually does it in Los Angeles and New York, and I believe London.

Or, you could look for his Scrooge role on TNT; they're showing his multi-actor adaptation a lot. It's also out on both DVD and video.

Or, go to your favorite bookstore (brick and mortar or online) and buy yourself a copy of the audio adaptation. Brightens up a drive to work any time of year!

Humbug-fu. Scrooge-fu. Pudding-fu. Monkey-Plex says, check it out.