Dictum Ridiculum - December 2002

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Dictum Ridiculum: December 2002

Archived rants and raves from the main page of the Colin Campbell Network.

Sunday, December 29, 2002
Today's Most Frightening Site
The winner is definitely The Official Web Site Of Emily Gimmel.
Go ahead, visit it, I dare you. And then, tell me, just what is it exactly that Emily does? (No fair clicking on her "resume" section -- but click there if you're stumped.) I'll send off a prize to the person who posts the best answer in our "comments" section.
After a sufficient amount of comment time has passed, I'll tell you why I think this site is so scary, and what it means for YOU in 2003!
Only two more days until the Xtina Warren Ball Drop ...
Transmitted 09:50 PM PST | Link |

Wednesday, December 25, 2002
Merry Christmas!
And to all, a wonderful, happy, and healthy 2003!
Let the countdown to Xtina Warren's Tenth Annual Disco Ball Drop begin ...
Transmitted 07:07 PM PST | Link |

Sunday, December 22, 2002
Before You Go To The Movies This Holiday Season ...
... be sure to check our updated Holiday Movie Guide in the Monkey-Plex. I've posted my thoughts on The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Die Another Day, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, 25th Hour ... and my full review of Star Trek Nemesis.
Here's a preview of that last one:
People who hate Riker (and that apparently includes the film’s writers) have a lot to like about the film, though. Who among us can forget Picard cutting off Riker’s balls in front of the rest of the crew with a cheery “You have the bridge, Mr. Troi?” Does that sound at all like Picard? Why not just have Picard call Riker p-whipped and get it over with?
Ooh! Did I really say that? Oh yes I did. Click here and be transported to the Monkey-Plex.
Transmitted 01:07 AM PST | Link |

Friday, December 20, 2002
Headline of the Day
It comes to us from the Los Angeles Times, and reads simply:

Smuggler to Pay for Pocketing Monkeys
Robert John Cusack smuggled a pair of endangered pygmy monkeys into the United States. In his pants.
On June 13, Ho Truong, a U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service special agent, was called to Los Angeles International Airport after Cusack was stopped by U.S. Customs agents on arrival from Thailand.
After finding … other purloined birds and exotic flowers, the inspectors asked, "Do you have anything else you should tell us about?"
According to Truong, Cusack answered, "Yes, I've got monkeys in my pants."
Well, who among us hasn’t had monkeys in our pants from time to time? Read the full story here, if you wish, but believe me, you’ve already enjoyed the highlights.
Transmitted 01:42 AM PST | Link |

Wednesday, December 18, 2002
A Logical Conundrum
If the punishment for betting on baseball is being banned for life, and Pete Rose confessed to betting on baseball, and Bud "Satan" Selig lets him back in to baseball, then what exactly is the punishment for betting on baseball?
That’s the problem with "commuting" Pete’s lifetime sentence to time served. Kinda’ makes the original punishment not really a punishment at all.
I liked Pete Rose as a player. I loathe Pete Rose as a gambler. I would gladly accept his apology for betraying my trust, were he to offer it. (He hasn’t, of course.) But have the facts of this case changed at all? Has there been some last-minute Perry Mason-like twist? New witnesses confirming Pete was set-up, betrayed, falsely accused?
Nope. He bet on baseball. He bet on his own team, both to win and (by not betting on certain games) to lose.
Sorry, Pete. I wouldn’t let you back in to baseball, under any circumstances. You knew the rules, you broke the rules. The rules say "lifetime ban." As Robert Blake is finding out, don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
And as long as Shoeless Joe Jackson is kept out of the Hall of Fame, you should be too.
A side note: At least the late Shoeless Joe has served his sentence -- his life is over. Should that be grounds for lifting his "lifetime" ban and letting Joe in to the Hall of Fame? It’s a neat linguistic trick, if nothing else, and does solve Joe’s problem. Pete, however, being very much still alive, is out of luck.
Transmitted 01:59 PM PST | Link |

Tuesday, December 17, 2002
The Most Fun Day of My Adult Life?
You’re going to have to put December 17th, 2002 down as a candidate.
Today included:
1) My first ride on a Segway Human Transporter. Yes, after all the hype (floating hovercraft or teleportation device, anyone?), the incredible, mysterious “IT/Ginger” thing that turned out to be really just a pretty fun, useful, cool, ecological scooter. (If you want to see a photo of my test drive, click here.) I also got to go to this “test drive” event with the world’s best brother, Morgan. (Side note: Boy do I love that guy. Boy am I glad he and his super-cool wife Lydia live down near me, as opposed to up in San Jose.)
Never forget – Segway: It’s Smarter Than You™. (Okay, that’s not really their motto, but it should be.) Lean forward, it goes forward. Tilt back, and back you go. A control on the left handlebar lets you spin in place, either direction. It’s a ton of fun.
This special test drive thing was offered, I believe, to registered users at Segway’s web site. It took place in a hotel ballroom. Okay, so they weren’t exactly real world conditions, but hey, if I got that thing outside, there was a chance I’d just keep going all the way home. And, I am happy to report, the thing handles like a dream on a short-knit carpeted surface.
There was a little rocking motion every now and again that I equate somewhat to a “holding on to a ledge while on snow skis” feeling. I mean, something was definitely going on below the waist (hey now!), but it wasn’t a bad thing. (Good evening!)
All in all, if I had a spare $5,000, I’d snap one up in an instant. I don’t, so I won’t, but when the price point gets down to around $1,000, count me in. I (heart) Segway!
2) An evening at the Arclight Cinemas spent watching a screening of my all-time favorite film in the “fun movie” category, Back to the Future. It was a pristine new print of the film, and was followed by a Q&A session with the movie’s co-writer and producer, Bob Gale.
The event was held in conjunction with the DVD release of the Back to the Future trilogy, and Bob told all kinds of cool inside production stories, such as how they determined, after five weeks of shooting, that Eric Stoltz wasn't getting it done as Marty McFly, and would have to be replaced. (My own personal revelation from the screening was that I’m now 90% sure that the location used for Doc Brown’s 1985 house is over on Victory Boulevard in Burbank, right next to a Burger King and Toys R Us that I’ve been to plenty of times, but I’ll have to check the DVD for a more detailed look.)
There’s just something perfect about this film, and I think I’ve finally figured out what it is. Everything in the film is there for a reason. And just about everything in the film makes sense. It sets up a paradox-like problem, but provides for a logical solution. It’s filled with characters who are having fun, even when they’re being incredibly challenged. Everyone in this film is “up” for the adventure, if you will. There is no problem that can’t be solved – even if it requires 1.21 gigawatts to do so.
Contrast this with Star Trek Nemesis. Of which, for now, I continue to say only, “Feh.”
Tonight's screening also inspired a personal revelation about my own writing career. Since it's personal, I'll keep it that way. But I'll leave you with this thematically similar quote. (Ooh! Clues!)
I have a new favorite line from Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's from the fifth season episode "Spiral."
Spike is driving an R.V with Buffy and her friends aboard, trying to escape a particularly nasty goddess with a grudge. Spike turns to the passengers and says, as only he can, "Buckle up, kids. Daddy's putting the hammer down." And the R.V. lurches forward. (Maybe you had to see it.)
3) Nathan Fillion, the beloved (by a few people, at least) Captain Malcom Reynolds on my latest lost-cause show Firefly, came through. Nathan posted a message over on the official Firefly message boards, promising to send out an autographed photo and his famous low-fat seven layer bean dip recipe to anyone who sent in a self-addressed stamped envelope. Well, who could resist that offer? I certainly couldn’t, and tonight, when I got home, my photo and bean dip recipe were waiting. Personalized autograph on the photo, too, which was a nice touch.
I also like the fact that he autographed the bean dip recipe.
I must have one of the most eclectic autographed 8x10 photo collections in Hollywood. At least, there’s only one answer I know of to the question, “What do Nathan Fillion, China Beach's Dana Delany, and Days of our Lives star Drake Hogestyn have in common?”
I also sent out two postcards today, as suggested by the people at the Firefly: Immediate Assistance campaign. When the show gets picked up by UPN, and goes on to a wildly successful seven-year run redefining character-driven science fiction, be sure to thank me, and the good mojo floating around on this day.
This is probably another one of those times I should mention how much fun I’m having living in Los Angeles. (Knock on Internet wood.) And I am. The fact that it’s December 17th, and I have done barely a lick of Christmas-y type preparations bothers me not at all. This year, Christmas came early to the Greater Toluca Lake area, and I enjoyed every single last second of this day.
Transmitted 11:47 PM PST | Link |

Saturday, December 14, 2002
Because You Shouldn't Have To Wait Any Longer; Firefly News
Herewith, my one-word review of Star Trek Nemesis.
Feh.
I have a feeling Friday, December 13th will go down as a red-letter day in the history of science fiction. First, Paramount launches a big "F.U." to Star Trek fans with Nemesis, then I come to find out that, despite many people's best efforts, Fox has pulled the plug on Firefly.
Double feh.
Memo to UPN: You know that troublesome Tuesday night spot in your lineup? 9:00pm? Can't find a show that fits in with the sensibility of its lead-in, Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Well this is your lucky day, UPN, because there is NO MORE PERFECT FIT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH THAN FIREFLY AFTER BUFFY. If you can't make Firefly in to a hit in the timeslot after Buffy, then do us all a favor, and shut down the network. I guarantee that by the end of the year, Firefly would at least equal and maybe exceed Buffy's ratings.
This makes so much sense, there is absolutely no chance of it happening. We're dealing with television, remember?
Transmitted 01:27 AM PST | Link |

Monday, December 9, 2002
Here Now A Weblog Entry
The New York Times' Geoffrey Nunberg has a nice take on the freakish language used on many TV newscasts. Where have all the verbs gone, indeed?

Transmitted 11:13 PM PST | Link |

Friday, December 6, 2002
A Much Simpler Plea
Of course, you could just go here, and avoid my big gushy love-letter to Firefly altogether.
Yeah, that's right. Here. Go on, I won't mind.
Transmitted 10:59 AM PST | Link |

Thursday, December 5, 2002
I Need A Favor
Actually, television needs a favor. But it’s a little busy right now, so I thought I’d ask you on its behalf.
See, on this very website not so long ago, I wrote:

If your favorite show is scheduled for Friday night, don’t get too attached to it. It’s the TV graveyard.
I should have taken my own advice.
One of my favorite new shows is on Friday night, and it needs your help. The show is called Firefly, and it’s from Joss Whedon, the genius behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Firefly is tough to describe -- "Space Western" comes to mind, but that doesn’t really do it justice. I tell people it’s a bit more like, "What if, before the original Star Wars movie, Han Solo had a crew?" The show is impeccably well-written, the effects are great, the characters interesting and compelling …
… and the show is tanking in the ratings.
This may be due in part to the fact that, for some reason, Fox never showed the pilot episode of this series. They apparently thought the pilot, a two-hour "origin story" episode, wasn’t "action-y" enough, and decided to start showing the series from episode two, onward. As "great television decisions" go, this is about par for the course: twisted and bizarre, with side-effects that anyone with half a brain could predict. The show had trouble attracting viewers, naturally, because people had no idea who these characters were, why they were where they were, what they were doing, etc.
Various delays and schedule changes due to Fox’s baseball coverage didn’t help, either. An Anaheim Angel playoff game went so late one night that our local Fox station, on the fly, decided to air the 8pm showing of Firefly at 11pm, after the local news. Anticipating that baseball could have caused a push-back, I had set my TiVo to record all of Fox prime-time and the complete hour of news … ending at 11pm. If I, who was trying very hard to watch the show, couldn’t even see it, then what chance did "normal" viewers have? (Plus, I was mad that the morons at our local Fox station had outwitted both me and my TiVo.)
It also occurs to me that the very people who love Joss Whedon’s Buffy watch it all the time on Fox’s cable network, FX. FX is also home to about five replays of the Fox show 24. Wouldn’t it make sense to give Firefly some of the same love, and some much-needed exposure, by replaying it on FX, exposing it to an audience that is already pre-disposed to watch a Joss Whedon show? Then again, this is much too logical to actually happen in the modern television world.
So, readers of this website, do me, and television, a favor. Watch Firefly. It’s going to be on in December, then it’s off to hiatus-land. Fox says if it does well in December, it’ll come back. We need to make sure that happens!
Friday night, 8pm. Firefly. Fox. You will like it, I promise.
Firefly also has perhaps the best official website of any show on television. Incredible access to the writers and producers, tons of behind the scenes information, and a great "weblog" (much like this one) kept by someone who works on the show. Check it out!
And here’s a link to other people who are trying to make sure television doesn’t kill off another one of its most promising shows.

Transmitted 12:13 PM PST | Link |

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