Dictum Ridiculum - August 2003

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Dictum Ridiculum: August 2003

Archived rants and raves from the main page of the Colin Campbell Network.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003
These Are the People In My Neighborhood
Yep, not half a block away from my humble home here in Studio City, we dealt with traffic re-routing and a crush of vehicles that poured into the neighborhood, many bringing people to attend the public memorial service for the legendary Bob Hope. It was held withing shouting distance of my front porch, down at St. Charles Catholic Church.
Among those in attendance:
Gerald Ford
Nancy Reagan
Julie Eisenhower Nixon
Sen. Dianne Feinstein
Pete Wilson
Gen. Richard Meyers (Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff)
Gen. William Westmoreland
Lee Iacocca
Mickey Rooney
Phyllis Diller
Norm Crosby
Larry Gelbart
Connie Stevens
Julie Newmar
Raquel Welch
Hal Holbrook
Dixie Carter
Kelsey Grammer
Barbara Eden
Marie Osmond
Gary Owens
Ed McMahon
Loni Anderson
Brooke Shields
Tom Selleck
That’s either a really good turnout for a Bob Hope memorial, or the potentially all-time greatest episode of “Old School Hollywood Squares.”
And not a single one stopped by afterward for a beverage from the Colin Campbell Beverage Wonderland!
Wow… If I’d known that kind of star power was in attendance, I probably would have even gotten up and gone over to take a peak. Turns out, sleeping in the vicinity of greatness is relatively simple.
Transmitted 03:12 PM PST | Link |

Mars Observed!
Did you see it? It was so cool! Big, bright, twinkly, and close... real close. Close, like, "hasn't been this close in 59,619 years" close. (And that's pretty damn close.)
I don't know how you celebrated, but I spent the night watching Dick Clark’s Rocking Mars Eve special – which, thankfully, was NOT tape delayed for the West Coast, otherwise we would have missed the whole thing.
As the exact moment of most closeness passed (2:51am PDT, and yes, I was up and outside observing), I felt a pang of sorrow that it’s probably unlikely I’ll be around in 2287 for the next time Mars pays us this close a visit. Maybe tourist trips to Mars will be available within the next 40 years? (I’d be 76 – it could happen! And I could check out the micro-dot with my name on it that'll be there.)
Damn it, I hate being stuck on this planet! How about vacation trips in Earth orbit (say, three days of weightlessness) within 20 years? Who’s with me? Who wants to go? Do I hear the moon in 30 years? Mars in 40? Come on, people, let’s get our act together and start to explore!
More, possibly, after I get some sleep…
(I guess Mars makes me sleepy!)
Transmitted 03:10 AM PST | Link |

Tuesday, August 26, 2003
It’s Mars Night!
Okay, so late night tonight is the big night for Mars’ closest approach to Earth in nearly 60,000 years. Do yourself a favor -- take a look at the sky, and marvel at the majesty of Mars! Trust me, you can't miss it. It's the super-bright glowy thing that's on about the same path across the sky as the moon normally takes ...
(Hardcore science/space dorks will get extra credit for viewing at 2:51am PDT early Wednesday morning, the ostensible exact moment when the two planets will be closest together.)
If you miss it tonight, don’t worry. You'll get another chance. Thanks to celestial mechanics, an even closer pass will happen on August 28, 2287. I understand the late Ted Williams will be hosting a viewing party that night, so that’ll be fun…
Transmitted 04:06 AM PST | Link |

More CC on TV
Want to see more of my stuff on The History Channel? Catch these upcoming Conquest episodes. Trench Warfare is a wholly-original CC production; from outline to script to finished product, you can blame me for anything you don’t like. Barbarians was more of a “relief pitching” gig. The script was written and shot by someone else, then I picked it up in the edit bay, re-wrote what needed to be re-written (not too much, just some stuff) and supervised the edit... which needed a little more supervision than normal, 'cause we were breaking in a new editor on the show. As it turns out, she did a fabulous job, and I think you'll agree. Watch, enjoy, send me your thoughts!
As always, CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS for the time in your area!
Sunday, August 31
10:30 - 11pm
Conquest
Trench Warfare
Monday, September 1
2:30 - 3am
Conquest
Trench Warfare
Sunday, September 7
11:30 - 12pm
Conquest
Trench Warfare
Sunday, September 7
10:30 - 11pm
Conquest
Weapons of the Barbarians
Monday, September 8
2:30 - 3am
Conquest
Weapons of the Barbarians

Transmitted 03:56 AM PST | Link |

Anti-Climax, Defined
Sure, you’re probably like most people, caught up in wave after wave of hype and excitement about the impending collision between the Earth and Mars.
Okay, so they are not on a collision course, but I’m sure you know that Mars and Earth are, on this date, at 2:51am local time here in Los Angeles, the closest together they’ve been in 59,619 years. (Thanks, Discovery Channel!) You probably also know that another close pass like this (the planets are a mere 34.6 million miles apart tonight; that’s about 30 percent closer than their average separation) won’t occur again until the year 2287, a mere 284 years in the future.
So, through a bit of planning (and some time-guzzling late-night websurfing), I managed to stay up so that I might gaze in wonder at the heavens and marvel at the sparkling red jewel in the sky. I’ve seen Mars most nights over the past couple of weeks; how could it be missed? Glowing and gleaming, it’s been a beacon in the night, a rust-colored reminder that there are other planets in our solar system, and to them, attention must be paid.
On this night, the official night of Mars’ closest approach to Earth in 60,000 years, I was looking forward to paying attention.
As the appointed hour approached, I grabbed a bottle of water and (probably too optimistically) a camera, slightly giddy that again, as has happened during many past celestial events (eclipses, meteor showers, etc.), my street would be empty in the middle of the night save for me, alone in my contemplation of the wonders of the universe. I live in a very big city; to feel both so alone (due to the hour) and so small (due to the spectacular happenings above) is a rare feeling indeed.
In fact, it’s almost as rare as what greeted me when I stepped out the front door of my apartment complex:
Rain.
Clouds … and rain.
Overcast, dark skies, clouds, and huge drops of warm rain.
Who the f*&% ordered up the rainstorm for 2:51am on a hot August night???
I could only shake my head (and, in a somewhat pathetic attempt to assign blame for the washout to a higher power, my fist at the Catholic church down on the corner) and turn to go back inside. There would be no celestial show for me on this eve.
Guess I’ll just have to hang around until 2287 now. Ah, what the hell. I have a free century or two.
Transmitted 03:25 AM PST | Link |

Tuesday, August 19, 2003
CC on TV
Yep, another something I wrote will be on the History Channel tonight -- and several other times over the next week or so, so if you're reading this after Tuesday, don't worry.
It's a show called Wild West Tech. Tonight's episode: "Gunslingers." My contribution? Well, I know for sure I wrote all of the host "stand-ups," featuring Academy Award™-winner Keith Carradine. I also helped re-write a bunch of the voice over tracks, although how many of them ended up in the final product, I have no idea. (The "heavy lifting" on this show, the outlining, researching, and producing was done by a fine guy named Tony Long.) I have not, however, seen a final version of the show, so I don't know what ended up getting used, and after I watch, I'll let you know how much of my stuff made it.
(I assume you're visiting this site because you're interested in me ... not because you're looking for Tony Long's projects. Hence, the Colin-centric nature of the previous paragraph.)
According to the History Channel Website TV listings, here are the upcoming airdates:
Tuesday, August 19 9 - 10pm Wild West Tech
The Gunslingers

Wednesday, August 20 1 - 2am Wild West Tech
The Gunslingers

Saturday, August 23 4 - 5pm Wild West Tech
The Gunslingers

Monday, August 25 10 - 11pm Wild West Tech
The Gunslingers

Tuesday, August 26 2 - 3am Wild West Tech
The Gunslingers
All times EDT, I believe -- so CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS!
There's another episode airing next week, to which I contributed a grand total of one paragraph (or maybe two, depending on the punctuation). Still, Wild West Tech is a fun show, which the LA Times calls "fine" and "colorful." (Really. Check here for their review, if you're registered.) So watch it, ya dig??
Transmitted 01:37 PM PST | Link |

Friday, August 15, 2003
It's Our Theme For the Day!
Say, if you're really interested in how the whole "fair and balanced" motto came about, check out this article from a group so dedicated to fairness, it's in their name! Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting did some digging to come up with an article called The Most Biased Name in News: Fox News Channel's extraordinary right-wing tilt, and I think you just might enjoy it.

Transmitted 12:05 PM PST | Link |

Very Fair and Completely Balanced
Yes, Fair and Balanced Friday is finally here! Let's all work extra hard to encourage both fairness and balance in our lives today, shall we?
Transmitted 11:51 AM PST | Link |

Thursday, August 14, 2003
An Early Start
As a matter of fact, I can't wait for Fair and Balanced Friday to arrive to start the fairness and balancing. So let's all read this Associate Press report as printed by the Kansas City Star. It goes over the evidence presented for war in Iraq point by point. You are encouraged to draw your own fair and balanced conclusions from the AP story.
But this is my webpage. And my fair and balanced conclusion is, even though there may have been good reasons for going to war with Iraq, we were sold a crock, probably because the Bush team thought the aforementioned "good reasons" might be too complicated for the everyday American to understand. (Which is in and of itself pretty f'in scary, if you think about it.) So, the Bush team whips up this false "Oh My God Saddam Is Going Nuclear/Chemical/Biological In The Next Month Unless We Stop Him" frenzy ...and they didn't need to! Nice governing.
Speaking of the Bush team, and its potential newest member, here's my fair and balanced view of Utah Gov. Mike Leavitt, Bush's pick to run the Environmental Protection Agency. From the LA Times:
Industry groups, applauding Leavitt's nomination, said he would take a balanced approach to pollution control.
Well, if there's one group you want to make happy when appointing someone to take care of America's environment ... it's industry.
And:
In Leavitt, Bush chose a like-minded Republican who wants to shift authority over pollution control from the federal government to the states and who favors voluntary cleanups by industry rather than mandatory government regulations. (Emphasis added by me.)
I can't wait to see our "voluntarily cleaned" water and air. Actually, come to think of it, I probably will be able to see the air...

Transmitted 02:30 AM PST | Link |

Let's Get Ready for a Fair and Balanced Friday
Neal Pollack is spearheading the drive to take back the phrase "fair and balanced" from the fine folks at the FOX "News" Channel. (I have never seen a news channel with so little news; opinion, analysis, hot air, yes, but news, no.) FOX, it seems, is suing Al Franken, who had the utter gall and temerity to use that phrase in the title of his new book.
Neal writes:
This Friday is Fair And Balanced day. Use the slogan at will. I will not be keeping track of the uses on this site, because it made me tired last time, but I still trust that you will spread the virus in funny and creative ways. We cannot let Fox News beat us, people. If they sue one, they can sue all. Al Franken has resources. Fox News' next victim might not be so lucky.
So, go forth and enjoy a fair and balanced Friday!
Transmitted 02:05 AM PST | Link |

Monday, August 11, 2003
Another Frequently Asked Question
Boy, you'd be surprised how often I get some variation on this one:
"Colin, you seem to be a hip, mod, 'with-it' kinda' guy. Do you know how to do the popular ska/skiffle dance called 'skanking,' and if so, can you tell me how to it?"
And I always refer people to this description on some ska band's website, which contains the best description of skanking I've ever seen.
An excerpt:
One dance which you see everywhere you hear ska today is "the skank" or "skanking". This is no understatement: You will see this dance performed at clubs not only from coast-to-coast in the U.S., but all over the world in various incarnations. It is a sad, sad thing that this dance, which is performed and discussed so widely, is so under-represented in written discourse.
C'mon, like you're not going to check out the link after reading that???
Transmitted 11:47 PM PST | Link |

Wednesday, August 6, 2003
Good News About the News
Take a look at this story from Newsday.com which says CNN Headline News is now programming the newscast at 9pm (Eastern, I believe...) without all that extra junk cluttering up the screen!
Here's a quote from the article:
"...Clutter has its detractors, including CNN's new boss, Jim Walton, who says he is not partial to the omnipresent crawl. Of "retro news," which premiered June 30, he said, "We're just looking at it ... we're going to watch [it] for a while. My personal feelings are that we all need to find a balance to what you refer to as the 'clutter on the screen.'"
So why hasn't he dropped the "ticker" elsewhere? Because viewers want it (he said), and so far only a few (less than 200,000) appear to be sampling Rudi (Bakhtiar)'s clutter-free broadcast. Too bad: Our eyes (and brains) could use the break."
Viewers want that bizarre array of tickers??? Of five things simultaneously on screen, all fighting for your attention? Really?
Why not let CNN know how you feel about the multi-level ticker? Here's a link to their contact page, and I strongly encourage everyone to use it, demanding more clutter reduction.
Of course, there's another more cynical answer as to why CNN wants to unclutter the screen during this time of night, involving the quite obvious beauty of Rudi ... but whatever the reason, I'm totally for it.
On the topic of Headline News anchors, while I'm certainly a fan of the former TechTV reporter, Erica Hill, I have to say I always liked my Headline News with a dash of Gordon Graham. I miss Gordon, who always seemed to be somewhat surprised by what he was reading. Given what I've heard from friends about the early days of Headline News, that probably isn't far off from the truth.
Transmitted 02:33 PM PST | Link |

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