Dictum Ridiculum - June 2004

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Dictum Ridiculum: June 2004

Archived rants and raves from the main page of the Colin Campbell Network.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004
You Can't Make This Stuff Up
According to this lovely story from the Associate Press, Survivor All-Stars champ Amber Brkich has donated her famous bikini from the show ...
... to the Beaver Area Historical Museum.
Hmm. I didn't realize the "Beaver Area" had its own museum. You learn something new every day.

Transmitted 09:50 AM PST | Link |

Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Black Is White, Because They Say It Is!
From the AP Wires:

Bush Claimed Right to Waive Torture Laws
WASHINGTON - President Bush claimed the right to waive anti-torture laws and treaties covering prisoners of war after the invasion of Afghanistan, and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld authorized guards to strip detainees and threaten them with dogs, according to documents released Tuesday.
The documents were handed out at the White House in an effort to blunt allegations that the administration had authorized torture against al-Qaida prisoners from Afghanistan and Iraq.
So to support the claim that President Bush never authorized torture, the White House hands out documents showing that President Bush claimed the right to waive anti-torture laws??? I guess he never inhaled...
Or it depends on what the meaning of the word "torture" is...
Or "holy f'in Christ, these people running the country really have to think we're complete and utter morons"...
Come November, I hope the American People don't prove that last one to be correct.
Transmitted 04:49 PM PST | Link |

The Website That Sees The Future!
Recently, I had the chance to re-read my review of the Dodgers' 2002 Opening Day, and found this little nugget.

3:17pm - Speaking of hit, Omar Daal hits the showers, and the Dodgers decide to give new closer Eric Gagne a test. Two on, seventh inning of a 9-2 game, but let's see if Gagne can stop the bleeding.
3:21pm - Gagne gets a Giant to pop up, and the infield fly rule takes effect. I take great joy in knowing the infield fly rule, and that it applies in this situation.
3:23pm - Gagne puts out the fire, ending the inning without allowing a run! Hey, maybe this kid can close after all.
81 straight saves later, I say the jury has come in. Count on the Colin Campbell Network for all your prognosticating needs!
Transmitted 03:18 PM PST | Link |

Saturday, June 19, 2004
Weekend Reading Fun
Well, I certainly enjoyed my quick visit to Shotgun Reviews. Editor in chief (or is that "editor-in-chief" -- Copy Mom?) Troy Brownfield busted out with this Laker post-season analysis:

And then there's Kobe. Regardless of whether or not he's found guilty of rape, he still abused his position to nail that girl. He cheated on his wife, he lied about it, and only told the truth when DNA evidence came into the equation. I was nauseated by the repeated refrain from Shaq, Jackson and other teammates, opining on how brave he was. That's right; he bravely screwed a young girl while his wife and baby were in another state. He bravely lied to his wife about it. He bravely came out and told the truth AFTER the evidence came in. He's so fearless, the JLA must be calling. Actually, what we have here is another case of people worshipping an athlete who's all too human. And as it turns out, not a very good human at that.
So the Lakers lost, the team will likely disband, and Kobe may go to jail. I'd tack on a final statement, but we all know that no one but Nelson from The Simpsons could put in proper perspective: HA-ha.
Good stuff. Recommended.
Transmitted 04:17 PM PST | Link |

Thursday, June 17, 2004
Love the Concept, and Yet...
Well, I'm not sure what to make of http://www.beatallica.com/ - the site of an anonymous pair of musicians who have re-written and performed Beatles songs as Metallica.
I mean, I love the concept, but I don't know anything about Metallica -- so I can't tell if this is an accurate Hetfield impression, or what. Will our many metal-head readers click on over to the Beatallica site, download their free mp3's, and let me know?
\m/
(Yeah, that's the emot-icon for the hand version of devil-horns...)
Transmitted 10:18 AM PST | Link |

Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Who Put The Bee In Your Bonnet?
Probably this guy, who overturned his semi and let loose nine million bees on a highway in Montana.
The article on the accident, as written up in the local Montana newspaper, has a nice small-town flavor to it ("His arm had been scraped to the bone against the pavement, but Miller was able to free himself from the seatbelt..."), but I didn't really laugh out loud until the very end, where we find out that in addition to the obvious problems created by the release of nine million bees...
Montana Department of Transportation workers dropped sand on the road to soak up a large honey stain on the pavement.
Now THAT'S comedy! Or reality, as it were.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Transmitted 11:43 AM PST | Link |

Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Laker Update
One way to increase the frequency of postings to my site is to re-purpose e-mail sent to others. For example, this little Laker quiz, composed in the wake of the game 4 disaster against the Pistons, was originally written exclusively for my friend Kevin. Then I thought, well, it's funny, I should share it with more than just Kev. So I cc'd a couple of people. Now, I'm cc'ing the world; here's your own look at my Laker quiz.
That spinning sound in Encino? It's Chick Hearn ... and he's up to 200 RPM baby!

So, I need your predictions:

The series is going:

A) 5 games
B) 6 games
C) 7 games, and Pistons win
D) 7 games, and Lakers win

Karl Malone will play:

A) Limited, first-half minutes the rest of the way
B) Never again in a Laker uniform
C) For San Antonio next year
D) With himself on the flight home

Kobe Bryant's shot selection in game 4 could best be described as:

A) Erratic
B) Unpredictable
C) Unfortunate
D) Like he was trying to rape the basket

Shaquille O'Neal's free throw shooting technique would best be described as:

A) Mason-friendly
B) Cement-tastic
C) Bricky!
D) Affected by his many years of practicing ... SHAQ-FU!

In the event of a Laker loss in Game 5, fans with Laker flags on their cars should:

A) Kill themselves
B) Kill themselves
C) Kill themselves
D) Lower the flag to "half-mini-mast"

Gary Payton's contribution to the Lakers' championship run has been:

A) Unneeded
B) Scowly
C) "F" Gary Payton, he ain't even worth finishing this question.

Go Lakers!
Transmitted 11:29 AM PST | Link |

Monday, June 14, 2004
Dreaming of Bootsy
How was my weekend? Great, thanks for asking.
How was my Monday morning? Just fine. I was, however, awoken by a phone call while in the middle of a dream about legendary funk bassist Bootsy Collins...
And it occured to me: Am I the only relatively normal, red-blooded heterosexual male who dreams of Bootsy, instead of booty?
(Trying to get back on the weblog horse after a rough month... with huge thanks for everyone's support.)

Transmitted 11:03 AM PST | Link |

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