Dictum Ridiculum - June 2002

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Dictum Ridiculum: June 2002

Archived rants and raves from the main page of the Colin Campbell Network.

Monday, June 24, 2002
Something To Think About Before Your Next Flight
Love him or hate him, filmmaker and gadfly Michael Moore can sometimes make a whole lot of sense. I certainly don't agree with everything Mike has to say, but he's posted an essay to Michael Moore.com that raises some pretty obvious questions about the Sept. 11th attacks, and the sheer idiocy of some parts of the response to them. I have my own recent Sept. 11th moronic moment that I'll share in due time, but for now, you'd do well to read Mike's article, and think really hard about the questions it raises.
Transmitted 01:11 AM PST | Link |

Thursday, June 20, 2002
Something's Brewing in the Monkey-Plex ...
I know you all have been dying to read what I think about Insomnia, that new Al Pacino/Robin Williams film. Click here and all your questions will be answered (as long as "all your questions" are confined to, "Hey, Colin, what did you think about Insomnia, that new Al Pacino/Robin Williams film?").
Transmitted 11:47 PM PST | Link |

Friday, June 7, 2002
Who Asked For It -- The Wonder Twins Movie?
Ah, there's always time for another edition of "Who Asked For It?" Yes, it’s time again to take a look behind the curtain in Hollywood, and try to figure out the sequence of events which led to this leading contender for “Dumbest Idea of the Year” – The idea to make a movie based on the characters “The Wonder Twins,” from the old Super Friends animated series.
I mean really. Come on now.
You remember the Wonder Twins, right? They were the teen boy, the teen girl, and the annoying pet that WASN’T Marvin, Wendy, and Wonder Dog. They were Zan, Jayna, and Gleek, the space monkey. That’s right – I said space monkey.
The fact that Wonder Dog did not hang out with the Wonder Twins is the least of our worries here. What’s more important, I think, is that someone at Warner Bros., which today bought the movie rights, thinks that making a movie based on the Wonder Twins is a good idea.
Yikes.
Now, for a moment, let’s set aside various “real world” concerns, such as the fact that the Wonder Twins (“Shape of … an ant-eater!” “Form of … an ice floe!”) were always seen within spitting distance of Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and the other Super Friends. And forget for the moment that Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and the other Super Friends, for legal reasons (and probably moral ones, too) will not be within spitting distance of the Wonder Twins film.
I’m more concerned about the very real waste here – of time, of money, of precious human resources, and of talented people who will, no doubt, give all of their energy and skill to the creation of a movie that is destined to suck a donkey’s unmentionables.
Because there is no way – NO WAY IN F&*%ING HELL – that you can make a great movie, or even a tolerable movie, out of this material.
Actually, that’s not true. Let’s just say, using the very neutral and supportive language my improvisation instructor uses, that making a movie about the Wonder Twins is what we would call a “low percentage choice.” There is a very low percentage chance that this movie is going to be any good at all.
And yet … it’s in the works.
On a related note, I’m starting a betting pool connected to the upcoming Scooby-Doo movie. So far, the squares marked “Sucked Incredibly,” “Made Me Want To Vomit,” and “Worst Film of the Last Twenty Years” are spoken for, but we still have some openings for squares marked “A Crime Against Humanity,” “An Abomination,” and “For The Love Of All That Is Holy, Kill Me Now.”
Me? I’ve signed up for the square marked, “I Don’t Know, I Kinda’ Liked It, Is There Something Wrong With Me?” It’s just a hunch. But based on the screamingly bad clip I saw the other night, I think it’ll be bad enough to be fantastic.
And, um, producers of The Wonder Twins? We don’t need another movie like that for a long time.

Our cast of characters:

The Wonder Twins! Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You ... whether you care or not.

Gleek! He's not just a monkey ... he's a SPACE monkey!

The original Super Friends helpers, Wendy and Marvin. Were they dating? Brother and sister? Married cousins? I can never remember ...

Wonder Dog! He's like Scooby-Doo, but with a slightly different color, a cape, and a different guy doing the voice.

John Tesh. Likely connected to this conspiracy, but just how, I'm not yet sure.
Transmitted 12:02 AM PST | Link |

Thursday, June 6, 2002
Fun Link of the Week
There's just something rather comforting about the premise of the Long Bets website. I mean, if there are bets being taken on questions that won't be settled for thousands and thousands of years, then we ARE going to make it to the future, right? (India, Pakistan, are you listening to me?) Anyhow, this site is a cool blend of futuristic thinking and addictive parlor game. I liked it a lot. Perhaps you'd enjoy it, too.
Transmitted 12:05 AM PST | Link |

Wednesday, June 5, 2002
A Triple Monkey-Plex Play
Three films, three new reviews up in the Monkey-Plex. Because I know you've all been dying to find out what I thought about Star Wars Episode II, About A Boy, and Space Station. Find out here.
Transmitted 11:58 PM PST | Link |

Sunday, June 2, 2002
Let's Go!
Did you know NASA has a plan to send people to Mars?
Did you know that according to that plan, "all crew members will require extensive skills in... journalism (a large part of the return on mission investment is the reporting of surface operations to the population of Earth)."
Did you know that I am an Emmy™-award winning TV news writer and producer?
(I've also seen the movie SpaceCamp more times than any adult male should admit, though I have yet to go on a real trip to the actual Space Camp at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center. Would love to go someday, though ... )
I'm more than a little fired up about our future in space after watching the new IMAX film, Space Station. It's presented in 3-D, and boy, does it rock. Find this film at an IMAX theatre near you, and check it out! (A slightly more detailed review is now up in the Monkey-Plex.)
After taking that wonderful 3-D journey to Earth orbit today, I'm ready for a longer mission. Mars sounds great to me. But I wonder if we, as a people, will ever rise to that challenge? I'm sure it'll happen eventually; I'm just rooting for "sooner" rather than "later."
Transmitted 09:22 PM PST | Link |

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