Dictum Ridiculum - May 2002

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Dictum Ridiculum: May 2002

Archived rants and raves from the main page of the Colin Campbell Network.

Tuesday, May 14, 2002
The Rating Game
Oh, and one more follow-up to my past entry about the ridiculousness of the movie rating business. There's a little film due out Thursday; perhaps you've heard of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones? Here's a film with what the MPAA categories as "sustained sequences of sci-fi action/violence." (And another scene I categorize as "Natalie Portman getting her clothes ripped off by a CGI beast with impeccable taste" ... but I digress.)
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is rated PG.
The same as Ice Age, that film featuring "mild peril."
Gah.
Transmitted 01:09 AM PST | Link |

More Reviews!
Hey, for those of you who've been bugging me for just such and update, I offer new Monkey-Plex reviews of one of the biggest movies of all-time, and a small art-house documentary that's making the rounds. Check out the Monkey-Plex for my takes on Spider-Man and Dogtown and Z-Boys.
Transmitted 01:05 AM PST | Link |

Saturday, May 4, 2002
Have A Spine!
Are we protecting our kids too much? Are we so gosh-darn sensitive that we just have to make sure little Danielle and Tucker have the absolutely most gee-golly upbringing that we, as a society, can provide?
You tell me.
The movie Ice Age is rated PG ... for what is described as "mild peril."
"Mild peril."
Hmm. Parents, you certainly wouldn't want your kids to see scenes of "mild peril," now, would you? I mean, that can only lead to "moderate peril," and -- gasp!! -- perhaps the dreaded "peril!"
I mean, forget for a moment that the movie features an obviously unreal and very computer-generated wooly mammoth. "Mild Peril" could break out at any time! Parents, cover your kids' eyes!!
For feck's sake ...
This ties in somewhat with a theory I've been having a hard time explaining recently. I'll try again now.
Remember The Bad News Bears? Of course you do. While not exactly a beloved American classic, it's the kind of movie we all saw. Well, there's a scene in there where star pitcher Tatum O'Neal ices down her arm ... in coach Walter Matthau's bucket of ice cold beer.
Do you think a movie with that scene in it -- a pre-teen girl, icing her arm in a beer bucket -- could get past parents groups and censors today? No way. There would be outrage, boycotts, calls for the head of the director/writer/producer ...
(And yet, at the same time we're a culture that not only permits, but encourages, Freddie Got Fingered. Go figure.)
I can't help but think we'd be better off with more Bad News Bears type of films, and less concern about "mild peril."
Oh, and by the way? The Bad News Bears is rated ... you guessed it ... PG.
Transmitted 12:45 AM PST | Link |

Friday, May 3, 2002
What's The Deal With Olympic Mascots?
Must they, by some unknown bylaw in the Olympic charter, suck?
Take a look at these two gems recently foisted upon an unwilling public by the Athens 2004 organizing committee.

Hey, look, it's Athenà and Phèvos ... the ... umm ... blobby mascots of the Summer Olympics!
They say this wacky pair is based on an ancient terra cotta doll popular with Greek children in the seventh century B.C., which would be fantastic, if 2,700-year-old Greek children had any buying power in today's market. Here's a look at the doll in question ...

But if you ask me, the inspiration for these new mascots is much more recent.

Matt Groening, call your lawyer. And look how Athenà and Phèvos are holding hands! It's almost a direct rip-off of the Akbar and Jeff relationship from Matt's Life in Hell strip.
Ah, the Greeks!
Transmitted 01:47 PM PST | Link |

Thursday, May 2, 2002
The Reason "Fear Factor" Exists And How You Can Stop It
"If it's a choice between a critical darling and a popular darling, we'll take the popular darling any day of the week. The people have voted, and that is what matters."
--Jeff Zucker, NBC Entertainment President, in TV Guide.
Well, at least it's good to see that NBC isn't paying Zucker for his taste, his talent, his ability to inspire people to do their best work. They're apparently paying him to read the ratings, and, like a good little monkey, put more of the highest rated shows on the air, no matter if they're vile, putrid, demeaning, and disgusting. Wanna take a bet on whether Fear Factor clips make it in to NBC's big 75th anniversary show this weekend?
See, here's the problem. People like Zucker are apparently unwilling to push program suppliers to deliver shows that are BOTH critical and popular darlings. I guess it's a lot easier to put on Fear Factor, a show that gets good ratings, than it is to put on shows like The West Wing, Law and Order, Frasier, Friends, etc. I would argue that those are all popular and critical darlings. They make money for NBC, they win lots of awards, and everyone goes home happy. Why can't we have more shows like those, and less cheap crap?
So folks, it's simple. Stop watching Fear Factor. For your own good. Demand quality television. There is room for a well-done reality show; for example, Survivor and The Amazing Race are both put together extremely well. I actually miss The Mole 2.
But if we keep watching crap (Fear Factor, The Bachelor, Temptation Island, etc.) they'll keep putting on crap. And that has got to stop.

Transmitted 06:49 PM PST | Link |

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