So, I’m unpacking the other day (Yes, I moved about a year ago.  What’s your point?), and I came across a list which took me back in time.

See, back in what the kids would call “the day,” I was a local TV news producer.  Since the station I worked at was located in a relatively small market (San Luis Obispo, CA – usually around market number 110; New York City is number one, L.A. number two ... etc.) the producer had a lot to do.  Besides just “stacking” the show (determining the order and format of the stories), we’d do a lot of writing, editing, ordering graphics, basically whatever needed to be done to get the show on the air.

And there was this one anchor and reporter who always seemed to have a little bit better idea than everyone else.  When you produced his show, you had to make sure to bring your "A" game.  He was great to work with, and he never let the fact that he was an anchor go to his head.  So Allen Schauffler – I salute you!  You taught me to work my hardest to make sure the show I was producing was as good as it could possibly be.

Allen kept a little list taped to the side of his desk.  When he went on to deservedly bigger and better things (currently at KING-TV in Seattle), I grabbed that list, and held on to it.  But since it’s too valuable to remain in my sole possession, I publish it here, so its knowledge and wisdom may belong to the world.  Or, at least, so that other TV news producers and writers can avoid creating news copy that sounds silly.

It was called the “Action News at Five Wall of Shame,” and subtitled “You can write ‘em, but we won’t read ‘em.”  These are the phrases forever banished from scripts written for Action News at Five.  And if you’re a writer, producer, or reporter, you’d do well to ban these phrases, too.  Especially if you’re working with Allen.
 

Of course, I had to check with Allen to see what that last one was all about.  He has no memory of why it made the list, nor do I.  But news writers of the world, remember -- it made the list for a reason!  Even if that reason has since been forgotten, Mr. Blandings shouldn't be building his dream home in your news copy any time soon.

http://www.ronfineman.com -- Currently the best TV gossip and information page about the L.A. market.  Ron's also a bit of a cliché hound.

http://www.king5.com/about/bios_schauffler.html -- Meet the man who started this list!