(Milky Way)  Organizers of the first annual “Best Mother in the Universe” contest today announced the abrupt end of the event, awarding the title to a 54-year-old newlywed college professor in Ashland, Oregon, USA, Planet Earth.

Kathryn Campbell, who coincidentally celebrated a birthday on the same day she was notified of her victory in the event, was shocked to hear of the award.  “The whole universe?” Campbell asked disbelievingly.  “That’s kind of hard to believe.”

But the judges were quick to affirm their decision.  Speaking for the Pan-Galactic Council, Triphor Millinax of the planet Ubibia 7 said, “We’ve seen good mothers in the galaxies of Andromeda, Perseus, Reticulum, and, of course, NGC 6027/27a-e.  We’ve looked at vapor based cloud creatures, several varieties of carbon-based amphibioids, and even a complex mathematical equation which claimed parentage over “2+2=4.”  In all the galaxies we've seen, of all the mothers we’ve seen, Miss Campbell is clearly the leader of the pack.”

“Oh, okay then,” said Miss Campbell.

Of course, you can’t be a mother without offspring, and it was Campbell’s eldest son Colin who nominated her for the award.

“It’s simple, really,” said Colin, speaking alongside his mother at the press conference where she was presented with the award.  “You pick a criteria for parentage, and she tops the list.  She can’t be beat.  Unconditional love?  Got it.  Unwavering support?  Got it.  I mean, I’m just surprised it took this “Pan-Galactic Council” so long to come up with something I’ve known all along.”

Kathryn Campbell’s younger son, Morgan, echoed the sentiments of his brother.  “Yep,” he said, quitely.

Of the prizes awarded for winning the “Best Mother in the Universe” contest, which one is Campbell most looking forward to using?  “Well, the interstellar cruiser is nice.  And, of course, the 500,000 quintarians will come in handy, if I ever get to a planet that uses quintarians as currency.  But I’d have to say I’m most happy with the gift certificate for ...”

It was at this point that Miss Campbell was hustled off the stage by her eldest son.
 

http://www.sou.edu/communication/faculty.html#campbell