So tonight, while on my way to see Chicken Run (to find out what I thought of it, you’ll have to click here for the Monkey-Plex Movie Reviews page), I drove past one of my most favorite business names:  Faster Doughnuts.

Now, over the years, I have consumed more than my fair share of doughnuts.  For years, blessed with the metabolism of a hummingbird, I was able to indulge in all manner of doughnut delights sans repercussion.  From the warm, inviting cinnamon fruit bouquet of your finer fritters, to the stark simplicity of what others call “plain” but is more properly known as the cake doughnut, I’ve tried them all.  With the arrival of the Krispy Kreme here in Southern California, there really is no need for further manufacturing of your basic glazed.  (And while the folks at Krispy Kreme have perfected that doughnut, I have personally found the other entries in their line to be lacking.)

I’ve had hot doughnuts, cold doughnuts, warm doughnuts, day old doughnuts, and doughnuts plucked from the fryer and handed right to me, grease and glaze still deciding which of the two flavors would dominate.  (Thanks to some very unique molecular covalent bonding principles, the glaze usually wins this particular battle.)

But there are two types of doughnuts I’ve never had.  I’ve never had a “donut.”  Either spell it correctly, or lose me as a customer.

And I have never, never, never in all my years, had a “slow” doughnut.

So why, I wonder every time I pass by, is there a business called “Faster Doughnuts?”  Is speed really a deciding factor in your doughnut selection?  “Geez, Bob, I’d love to join you for a jelly-filled, but gosh darn it, your doughnut is just too slow.”

Maybe I’ll have to stop in some time, to try their new “Quicky Cruller.”  Until then, doughnut speed remains at the very bottom of my selection criteria.
 

Links:

http://www.elliskaiser.com/doughnuts/

http://www.krispykreme.com/