Really, now, give yourself over to the power of the island.  You’ll feel much better once you do.  I know I do.

It started, innocently enough, a couple of weeks ago.  “What’s all the fuss about this ‘Survivor’ show,” I asked myself.  “Well, self, let’s check it out.”  (Don’t be concerned; I often talk to myself, answering my own rhetorical questions.  I assure myself that this is quite normal, and I don’t want a second opinion.)

After watching my first episode, I suddenly felt a great deal of empathy for the victims of that ancient mythical monster, Medusa.  Slowly, I felt my will to turn the channel melting away, my body and brain turning to stone, as the realization set in that yes, I was hooked.

“Survivor” is the crack cocaine of television.  The first hit is free.  After that, you’re jonesing, bad, waiting for the next week.

This is how bad my “Survivor” madness has become:  While watching tonight’s episode, I already was thinking ahead to the inevitable “Survivor Reunion” show, and thinking about how absolutely great it will be.

It’s not too late.  Join us.  To quote Steve Buscemi in “Armageddon,” “Embrace the horror!”  Really, with nine people still left on the island, there’s plenty of time left.  You can still “catch up.”  The producers of the show conveniently provide a nifty recap at the top of each episode.

On the island, fire represents life.  I don’t know why I just wrote that, other than it is perhaps one of the corniest, cheesiest lines repeated week after week on the show.  And suddenly, I not only understand it, I find myself thinking, “You know, they’re right.  On the island, fire really does represent life.”

So go, watch the show, and thank me later.

Now, some insider chat for those of you who are already “of the body.”

-- How on Earth can do-nothing Gervase still be hanging in there?  Talk about your cult of personality.  Maybe he’s an expert in subliminal hypnotism.

-- Was that just an assassination or what on poor Gretchen?  She was perhaps my favorite Pagong tribe member.  Ah, the wily Richard orchestrated that hit, you can be sure.

(Those of you who don’t watch the show:  Don’t you wish you knew what we all were talking about?)

-- If he doesn’t win the personal immunity challenge again next week, I bet we’ll say good-bye to Greg.  He’s the next strongest former Pagong-ite left.  With a four-vote block, the Tagi types will just pick Pagong members off, one by one.  The plot thickens ...

You may be saying to yourself at this time, “Gee, Colin, for a usually profound and insightful guy, your comments on ‘Survivor’ and the whole reality TV phenomenon seem a bit shallow.  What’s up with that?”  To you I say, “Go eat a rat.  This is about entertainment, pure and simple.  Nobody gets hurt on ‘Survivor,’ and it shouldn’t be analyzed to death.  Let's let something that's fun stay fun, and not have to mean the end of civilization.”

Besides, the end of civilization is marked by that other show, "Big Brother."

So there.

Links:

http://www.cbs.com/survivor/

http://www.bigbrother2000.com/